Handouts Are for Pussies 🤷

Ok, I know. This title sounds really fucked up but give me a chance. Handouts are for pussies. It’s a way of life. It’s a way of thinking for those who are hard-core and take pride in handling their motha-fuckin-bidness. There was a time in my life where I expected handouts and then something happened. Let’s jump straight in to the inspo behind this post.

Back in the day I had musical aspirations. At one point I was a rapper. (I know, a rapper? Yes, a rapper). Anyway, I started connecting with other “rappers” and eventually met this guy named Rook. He was the guy to go to when you were ready to record. He had the beats and engineering skills that would make you feel and believe that you truly had a shot in the game. He was that good. Rook and I became close friends. Perspectively for me, I considered Rook to be the ultimate starving artist. Super passionate about his craft, super talented and very determined. For these reasons, I always had a feeling he would make it big. Fast forward a bit, Rook hooked up with a manager and eventually got signed to a MAJOR publishing company. It was from there that his career became real and he was basically the shit.
I was so proud to know him and hearing his music on the radio often led me to bragging to anyone that would listen “I know him!!”. Eventually I refocused on my own path and would sometimes reach out to Rook with industry related questions. At first he was nice and would gently brush me off but I remember one day, I had publishing questions for him and he surprisingly responded “Yo, go read a book”. At the time, I thought “Damn homie” but he elaborated explaining that he worked really hard to study and acquire knowledge over the years and that I was fully capable of doing the same. Even though he just sonned the shit out of me I had to admit to myself that he was right. This was probably 10 or 11 years ago and I must say that this is something that has stuck with me over the years.

I have always been a hard worker and didn’t mind working for what I wanted but now having learned this lesson from my friend, I had to find my way without expecting handouts. This made me a stronger, smarter and better person. As you (whatever your name is) and I continue on this journey together you will learn more about the challenges I have overcome in my life. I want to share a few tips with you to help you understand why handouts are for pussies.

1.      You have to believe that handouts are for pussies.
Look, we all need help sometimes but you have to look for a hand up. Not a hand out. A hand out pacifies you. It satisfies you or rectifies a short-term situation. A hand up is earned. I personally will only ask for a hand up if I have truly exhausted all efforts when it comes to figuring out shit on my own. When I do ask for a hand-up, I fully express to whoever I’m connecting with what I’ve done, my goal(s) and why I feel I need their help. If they are convinced and decide to help me I make sure not to let them down. Letting them down after they gave me their hand is mad disrespectful and you can bet that they’ll never help you again. They may even lose some respect for you so be careful. Treat this shit like a legit ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card.

2.      Be resourceful.
It’s 2017 fam. There are plenty of ways to seek information. Libraries still exist. Wikipedia (although not always accurate) is a great resource. Articles. Historical sites. Conferences and workshops. YouTube. I mean I can keep going. If you’re not willing to put yourself to work, embarking on the ultimate pursuit of knowledge then why should anyone else be willing to give to you? You have to consider yourself worthy before the next man does.

3.      Figure out how to barter
I know for some of you barter is just a word you’ve come across while looking for love or furniture on Craigslist so let me bring you up to speed.

1.exchange (goods or services) for other goods or services without using money.
"he often bartered a meal for drawings"
"they bartered grain for salt"

Now that we’re on the same page, figure out how to barter with others using your own knowledge and expertise.  I use this technique all the time. If I am at an event or social gathering and I meet someone who I feel would be a great resource for me down the road, I find ways to showcase my knowledge and skills so that they will want to connect with me. We form a connection and then at some point down the road after we have earned a certain level of respect for one another, I will ask the questions that I feel will help me connect the dots. Some of you will think this is fucked up, but really it isn’t once you acknowledge your own self-worth and what you’re willing to bring to the table and do for others. I am willing to give you something that will help you and then I’ll comfortably ask you for knowledge, access or insight in return. Wait, maybe this is fucked up. I don’t know but it works. #Networking

4.      Take pride in doing things yourself.
Being proud of yourself is one of the greatest feelings ever and it is impossible to feel this way if all you did was ride coat tails and accept hand-outs. Why should you be proud? Because you are now a stronger, better and more knowledgeable human being (or llama) that can now do super awesome shit. People who accept handouts never learn and often end up in this vicious cycle of being lost. They can never get their shit on track because they never learned to be resourceful. You know that saying about “teach a man to fish..” I mean, it’s true! In fact that saying summarizes this whole damn blog post. Now that I realize this I’m going to fall back and let this marinate.

Look, Rook came off as an asshole then but it was what I needed to become the resourceful woman that I am today and I am thankful. It has been a joy to watch him succeed over the years. He has been a living inspiration and motivation for me. He has affirmed that your dreams can be a reality if you’re willing to do the work. He has gone from starving artist to 3X Grammy Award winning Producer without a fucking hand out. I salute you Rook. I thank you.

For the rest of you, get to work and don’t ask me for shit! 😂  Just kidding. Kind of. May the force be with you.

Talk to you soon,



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· I’m Rome · I've gone from stealing food and toilet paper to being “bad and boujee”. · I find joy in helping people get their SHIT together. Find out more about me in the “About Rome” section Glad you’re here -Roman


  1. Everything about this fuckin blog was the shit. Rook was a savage and real af...we can all learn from this! Let's start the no pussy movement...... wait, I don't think I thought that comment out completely.