Never Let a Bitch Dim Your Light ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿฝ

Never. If this is your first time here, welcome. Be sure to check out my other posts. If we’re already connected thank you for sticking by me. Let’s dive in. 

So, we previously talked about me once being the most sensitive person in the world. I was also one of the weakest people in the world. I was very easy to manipulate because I was a sweet vulnerable kid who thought the world should be sunshine and rainbows and that bad people were a rarity. Well, as I am sure you can imagine, I learned early on in life that there are many bad people in the world. Some of them are just sitting waiting on their next victim. They want to abuse you and use you the moment that your guard is down and when this happens you’re just left to feel like shit.

After a while of being used an abused I eventually figured out that I was just being way too nice to people and that all this bad stuff that was happening to me was my fault. I came up with a brilliant idea. I need to become an angry bitch that makes sure that every man walking knows NOT to fuck with me. I thought I was a bad ass. Funny thing is I was still a weak person (pretending not to be weak) and I was still getting used and taken advantage of. How? Well, here’s the thing; when you’re a mean bitchy asshole, no one wants to fuck with you. I mean in all honesty you are annoying to hang out with, you’re a mood killer and who wants to be around that? Eventually you become lonely until that one day when someone wants to gives you a shot. You become excited that you finally found someone who is willing to tolerate your B.S. and desperately cling on to them because it’s been a while since you’ve had a "friend" and then one of two things happen; 1. They get sick of your shit and dip on you or 2. they just use you and then they dip on you. Now you’re confused because you were being used before you became this “hard ass” and now you’re being used after becoming this “hard ass”. What is the solution?  The solution starts with confidence and self-respect.

Learning confidence and self-respect can be tough after being dragged through the mud year after year but it’s possible. Trust me. There are a few basic concepts I want to go over with you and then if you’re interested in making some serious changes, connect with me and we’ll figure it out together. 

1. Confidence
You must know who you are and I don’t mean just knowing your own name. Like seriously, who are you? Every person is unique in their own way. Take out some time to figure out what makes you special and why the world should be excited to have you among us. I at one point was super depressed and felt purposeless. Now I know that I am a gift. 

Watch this; “My name is Rome. Not only am I beautiful but I am hella smart and talented. I am considered an asset on any team I become part of. I often come up with great and creative ideas. I enjoy sharing and helping others. I am a great cook and artist. I’m a great lover, a great friend and I love making people laugh.” 

See, I couldn’t do that years ago but I took out some time to develop my self-worth. I learned some skills and I grew comfortable with loving myself. Now I am confident. You can do it too. In fact, I challenge you to reach out to me with you “Self Confidence Statement”. 

2. Self-Respect
Self-respect is all about knowing what you will and will not allow. It’s also having the courage and authority to put your foot down if someone is crossing the line. A few things are coming to mind for me as I write this so bear with me. 

a. Establish boundaries. While it is important to know what you will allow and what you won’t allow, it is important for you to establish reasons why these boundaries are important to you.  

Example: I will not allow a person to talk down to me or treat me as though I am not smart or not worthy. This is important to me because I have worked hard over the years and I am proud of my intelligence and skills. Also it is important that I receive the respect I deserve because I am willing to give the same level of respect to others. 

b. Develop some standards for yourself. I mean it can be stupid stuff like making your bed every day, washing your hands before each meal, not sitting your purse on the floor. It really can be whatever you want but figure out a handful of things you won’t allow for yourself and this will build a baseline level of self-respect. 

Example: One time I went out to eat at some all you can eat seafood spot and there were barnacles all over the Crab Legs and the place smelled horrible. I decided for myself simply not to eat anything there because I have a certain standard for myself and a certain level of self-respect for myself. Again, this is something small and may be silly but I’m telling you, living a life without any standards is what makes it so easy for people to walk all over you. Start by setting some standards for yourself. 


c. Don’t be afraid to say no. When you are afraid to say no you are usually putting someone else’s desires before your own.  Does that sound like self-respect? Nope. Not to me anyway.  Now often we may struggle in saying "no"  because we want to impress someone. We want them to like us. We are afraid they won’t like us anymore if we deny their request. I get it. I’ve been there but what I’ve learned is that if someone who considers themselves a friend chooses not to be your friend anymore because you told them “no” they are not that great of a "friend" so fucke’em. If someone you are romantically interested in cannot handle you saying no and then decide not to be involved with you anymore consider this a blessing. There is something to be said about a man or woman who doesn't allow everyone to walk all over them. It is something to be acknowledged and admired if done right.  

Example: Someone asked me if I would co-sign for a vehicle. While I love them so very much I had to say no. Here is how I did it. “I really would love to help you but I cannot right now. I have worked really hard to build my credit and have some important goals lined up. I cannot afford to take any risks when it comes to my credit score. I do trust you but even having an extra trade line can impact my DTI or a simple credit inquiry can negatively impact my score. I wish you the best in finding someone who can help you with this. Sorry.” If someone can’t handle that response then they’re an asshole. Fuck’em. And if they try to make you feel bad for putting yourself first then they’re just bad news all together and this person should not be a part of your life, but that’s a whole other article

        We just covered establishing confidence and self-respect. Those are some important key elements when it comes to protecting your inner light. Once I got these two things down I realized, I can stop being a mean bitch. I can be my bubbly, kind, giving self without worrying about people taking advantage of me.  I must give you a couple of rules though because the truth is that people may still try to take advantage of you but you can have better control of the situation.

1. Give. Don’t let people borrow. 
When you let people borrow money, things, etc. There is an expectation that they will give it back to you. If they don’t give it back to you, things basically get weird between you and that person. It can even mess up the friendship and make you the mean angry bitch again. It’s not worth it. I love to help people so the rule I made for myself is that if someone needs something and it is in my heart to help them and if it does not set me back I give it to them. If I cannot afford to GIVE it to them, I cannot afford to let them "borrow".  If the person asking for help is insistent on re-paying you, then just monitor the situation to see if they are a man or woman of their word but never let something leave your hand unless you are prepared to give it away completely. This practice eliminates so much drama. If someone never repays me for something I was prepared to give, I simply make a mental note to never “give” to them again or I’ll create some distance between us. Not because they never “re-paid” me but because they do not respect me. I cannot be friends with a person who does not respect me. Period. ​
If someone is constantly asking you for things, you should take pause and be straight up with them. “I notice that you’ve been coming to me a lot for help, what’s going on? If I keep giving things to you, you’re not going to get your shit together”. Offer them a hand up. This is where your light shines, still wanting to help. If they don’t want to learn how to fix their situation, you need to create some distance. They are a straight up leach trying to suck you dry. You are not an ATM baby. This is where the self-respect comes in.  Put your foot down. This is true balance. 

2. Be yourself.
Always do what is on your heart without hard expectations. Not being yourself is like being in a prison. If being too nice doesn’t go the way you've planned, learn from it and grow from it. Tweak as your kind methods as you go.  Don’t beat yourself up too much.  

In closing; my point is this; you can be a warm loving and caring person that does not allow people to walk all over you. It takes a lot of practice but it is very possible. I encourage you to apply some of the advice I shared with you today. If you’d like, hit me up with your questions and maybe I can help you navigate a bit. 

Never let a bitch dim your light. 

Wishing you all the best,


Rome

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

· I’m Rome · I've gone from stealing food and toilet paper to being “bad and boujee”. · I find joy in helping people get their SHIT together. Find out more about me in the “About Rome” section Glad you’re here -Roman

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