Stop Being So F*cking Sensitive 😒

I used to be the most sensitive person in the world. In fact, I think I was born sensitive but this isn’t about me. This is about you figuring out how to stop being so fucking sensitive. Did that “F-Bomb” make you cringe? If so, bring your sensitive ass back to this blog when you can handle a genuine interaction with a rough around the edges special someone (me) who is ready to help you get your shit together.

For those of you who are still with me, congratulations. You’ve passed the first sensitivity test.  Let’s dig in, shall we?  

Being sensitive sucks because you’re almost always in your feels and guess what? You’re not in control of your feels. People and circumstances are dictating how you feel about yourself and how you generally feel mood wise. It’s dangerous! You know why? Because in order to do great, amazing things in this faced paced hard core world we live in you have to adapt and figure out how to feel happy, amazing, confident and strong as much as possible.  Now look, I know some of you think that it's impossible to feel like a kick-ass superhero at all times, but if you’re able to feel like one at least 90% of the time, that’s enough to take over your world. Let’s highjack this shit.

               Before I share some steps with you on how to transition from “butt-hurt betty” to super cool whatever your name is, let’s quickly talk about the inspo behind this post. So, I’m headed to LA for the first time ever in about a week to attend a dope ass entrepreneur event and I just remembered that I needed to order some business cards so the other night, I sat at my computer and tried to put together something that I thought was unique and cool. I was pretty excited about it but wanted some feedback. I sent a text to two of my closest friends and said “Hey, what do you think?” and my boy Oscar said “Horrible”, (blah, blah, blah) and then something to the effect of “…basic bitch” and to that I replied “Fuck”. At this point I thought to myself “oh well, I already ordered them. I’ll give them a run and once I’m out of cards, perhaps I’ll seek consult from someone who’s a business card expert”. Was I mad at my friend for his harsh and negative response? Absolutely not! It actually reminded me of how blessed I am to have friends who are comfortable being honest with me. Although we do not share the same opinion I did ask him for his opinion and it did put me in a place to consider expertise in the future so it’s a win-win.  
              
Are you ready to face harsh criticism without having to grab a tissue? Let’s do this:

1.      Stop asking people for their opinion until you can handle it.
This is legit the first step. If your lack of confidence often leads you to ask people for their opinion and then when they give it to you, you get upset, sad or it just ruins your day, you need to STOP asking people for their opinion until you get your emotions under control.

2.      Get to know yourself and your strengths.
If you have a very positive self-image about yourself you are less likely to crave and rely on the feedback of others. In other words we have to get away for asking people their opinions simply to feed our own ego’s because we feel like shit. You have to go from feeling like shit to knowing you are the shit. Take some time out to build up that confidence. If you’re unable to figure this out on your own, connect with me and we will work on a confidence focused project very soon.

3.      Accept that you’re not perfect and never will be.
Perfection is impossible. Instead of striving for perfection try to shift into a space where you are striving to be the best person you can be and do the best job you can at all times. If perfection is your goal, I’m not knocking you. I would just advise you to go for the whole “Shoot for the moon land on the stars” approach. With that said, once you accept that it is impossible for you to be perfect, you have to know and understand that you will not always receive positive feedback for this simple reason alone. It is impossible to please everyone! Let’s stop trying. Let’s please ourselves by doing our best and committing to learn from our own imperfections.

4.      Handle opinions and feedback like a fucking boss.
Now that you’re confident, know who you are and strive to be your personal best it’s time to boss up and learn how to handle opinions and feedback. So there’s welcomed and unwelcomed criticism.

Welcomed criticism is when you ask someone for advice or for their opinion -or- they ask you if it is ok to share their criticism and you say “sure”. At this point you have opened the door to any possible opinion and you have to mentally prepare yourself for anything they can say. Now let’s say I cooked you dinner and you tell me “Rome, this tastes like shit” I’d be like “Damn” and I would feel a little disappointed but because I want to learn a bit more about your perspective or maybe more about what has gone wrong, I am going to follow up with a question. “What didn’t you like about it?” 

               See as a boss my thing is this, if you’re going to share a negative opinion with me about myself or my work, I am now going to hold you accountable for articulating the reason you feel that way. If you cannot articulate it, your opinion immediately gets deleted because there is not an opportunity for me to learn here. Now if you explain why you felt my food tasted like shit one of two things are going to happen here. I am going to learn more about you or I am going to learn more about myself and what may have gone wrong here. You say “Rome, it was just too salty in my opinion”. Boom, there it is. So either you have a sensitive palette or maybe I over seasoned. The ball is in my court now to navigate and figure it out. Maybe I ask someone else at the dinner table their thoughts. Maybe I use less salt on the next dish and continue to request feedback. Maybe I do nothing at all and consider you crazy but here’s the thing, if I continue seasoning as I normally have and if my food is legit too salty I will hear this feedback again from someone else. At this point this is again my opportunity to explore and change my seasoning style or to continue down this salty food path. Do you get it? Feelings are no longer part of the process. I am a boss of my emotions so now I use opinions as a tool to learn.

Now unwelcomed negative opinions; You can handle them the way I suggested handling welcomed opinions if you feel the feedback is genuine or you can do a couple of other things. One of those things are to figure out or decide if you perceive the unwelcomed opinion-er as someone who is being just plain rude. If they are just plain rude, keep your distance.  Another thing you can do is check them on it. “Thanks for your opinion but I feel pretty good about this. Positivity is very important to me. Should I need your opinion in the future, I’ll let you know” and you just keep it pushing. Allow your own confidence and your own feelings about yourself to carry you through.

5.      Consider the source
Can a person who has no cooking skills of their own tell me that my food tastes like shit? Yep. Although they may not be an expert cook, they may have a lot of experience with food. I appreciate the opinion of a person who appreciates good food and who has had the pleasure of trying and enjoying different types of foods. If this knowledgeable food person tells me my food tastes like shit, my ears are opened and they have piqued my interest. Now if someone has done nothing but eat Vienna sausage and boxed mac and cheese all their life and they tell me that my white wine sauce is trash, while they could be right I’m not going to take it as seriously. I’ll wait until I hear this feedback again from someone who may have a more experienced pallet. Makes sense?


Now look everyone, I know I’ve made some food references and talked about my shitty business cards and that this is some very surface level stuff but if you approach opinions with this attitude or use these techniques it will help you get a handle on your sensitivity. There are many variables that may trigger emotions when it comes to opinions. If the opinion is about something that is important to you, emotions are likely to be involved. If a negative opinion is coming from someone you love and they are criticizing your character or your work it may hurt but look at each opinion as an opportunity to learn about yourself, the person offering their opinion or to learn about the circumstances surrounding the opinion. This will help you. I know it.

Until next time folks. Deuces.

Rome






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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

· I’m Rome · I've gone from stealing food and toilet paper to being “bad and boujee”. · I find joy in helping people get their SHIT together. Find out more about me in the “About Rome” section Glad you’re here -Roman

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